I Have Never Felt More Tired In My Entire Life,
My Grades are Dropping,
I Miss My Friends,
and if my Harry Styles Concert is Cancelled
I Will Lose It.
A Memoir by Stephanie Vasconcellos
To those who know me, it comes as no surprise when I say I am a very extroverted individual. I have absolutely no shame and thrive in very social environments. In fact, whenever my psychologist (shout out to the queen herself, Mariana!) asks me to visualize my happy place, I usually imagine parties or crowded gatherings (yeah, no cap). So when a dear friend (who lives in Shanghai) commented in February on how I would probably have to quarantine as well, I had a very minor (ok fine, major) breakdown.
According to Mariana, it's because I have separation anxiety, and FOMO (fear of missing out). And according to one of my friends, I have isolophobia, and according to my parents I'm just being dramatic. Whatever the case, one thing is for sure: I have not been dealing with quarantine and social distancing well, and (just let me be dramatic for one second ok), as a result, my life as I know it is falling apart.
Justiça seja feita, my first week in quarantine was great! I managed to organize an incredibly cute work area, was keeping up with my work, read five books, wrote a song (it's a banger, dm me and I'll send you the demo), and I worked out more than I had all of last year (so yeah, I worked out four times--fitness queen, I know).
My second week was worse, but I was still staying afloat. I missed my friends but we were keeping a collective quarantine diary (which I haven’t edited since, sorry girls!) and I did begin to feel a sense of dread, but, for the most part, I managed to stay on top of my work, read, walked the dog, and worked out.
But on the Sunday of the second week I had my first mental breakdown. Monday morning I had my first pre-calc test and I was absolutely terrified, since I already have a hard time understanding the subject normally, but since lockdown started I had begun working twice as hard to keep up and complete all of the assignments. Long story short--I did the test, and if you're wondering, I passed (barely, 63% but I’ll take what I can get), but ever since then I’ve been on a train to Hadestown (theater kid alert).
I’ve been having an incredibly hard time establishing a routine, my sleep schedule is all over the place, my procrastination has never been worse, I’ve never felt more exhausted and my grades and work quality have been dropping steadily (so sorry teachers). I cry at least once a week and it feels like this will never end. So I did what most Gen Zers do when overwhelmed: I YouTubed “How to get my life together” and watched ten videos instead of writing my AP Language Essay (no one tell Miss Kristy).
If we are being completely honest, the only thing I took away from those videos was that YouTubers lie and there is no way Rebeca wakes up at five am to watch the sunrise and plan out her day. So I did the next best thing, I posted a poll on my insta because what better than to compare yourself to others, am I right? (That is actually a terrible thing, don’t compare yourself to other people. Kids, you are amazing just the way you are and everyone is different).
Anyway, much to my surprise, everyone felt the same, literally every single person who responded said they felt overworked and most responded that their quarantine was sad, bad, terrible, awful--the list of synonyms goes on, but the feeling was the same, everyone was tired and down.
So then I decided I would quit school until this is over, I mean, if no one has it together, I might as well, so I told my mom, she supported my decision (she had her headphones in though, so take that with a grain of salt!) and that’s it if anything this is my official announcement that I will no longer be gracing my presence in my classes, Daily Hawk, GIN or Debate Club meetings until next year at least.
Thanks for the wild ride! Much Love! Steph.
Did I get you? I hope I did, anyway, although my mom did nod her head when I asked her if I could quit school, I already paid for all my AP tests, so I can’t just leave now, so I had to go and do the next best thing, instead of running from my problems, I have to solve them.
I don’t exactly know how yet, but I’ve compiled a list of things I can do to start:
Go to sleep early (I say, as I write this at three am...)
Ask questions and communicate with my teachers!
Accept the fact my assignments might not be as perfect as I want them to be.
Get up and move, my routine can’t consist of working and laying down and staring at the ceiling or watching Netflix.
Be patient and be positive! This won’t last forever and as long as we social distance, we will be ok!
And if none of this works, I can always sell art at the beach, so, yeah. Also, this article isn’t as neat as my other ones, and the solutions aren’t as satisfying as I hoped they would be, but I wanted to write about my experience in order to (hopefully) make you feel less alone, and to remind you that everything you are feeling right now is valid, and that it is okay if you aren’t being as productive as you used to be, we haven’t ever done this before, so both teachers and students alike are having to learn to adjust and become familiar with this new system.
Remember, if you are feeling overworked, ask your teachers for help, they all care about you and want to help! If you need someone to talk to, you can always talk to Ms. Miche, or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org! And finally, it would mean the world to me if you guys could share what tips you have been using to stay motivated and productive and how you've been feeling during this quarantine!
(Okay...now that the admin has stopped reading, what if we all (teachers and students alike) collectively agree to smash our WIFI routers and just cancel school right now. Please, I’m begging you, I cannot do this anymore.)