- Celeste Bueno Mazoni
A Tale with Two Chapters
My name is Beatriz, but many people just call me Bia, and it was at the age of 15 that I realized that life is not just about putting on a smile and pretending to be okay. It's about feeling good, and feeling good about yourself, and sometimes we just set a goal that we can't achieve. My story started a long time ago, when I was just 10 years old. I had dark curly hair, lots of spots and pimples spreading on my face, and I had a weight considered “out of the ordinary”. I was always a shy kid to the point where I didn't have any friends, my mom was always my best friend and she was always there for me, but I never really had a friend the same age as me. So as the time passed by, my mom realized that in summer I should go to a summer camp, so I can socialize more and also get to do more activities, which I usually didn’t. I didn’t find this news very exciting, especially because I know I'm going to be bullied there, and I also had other plans for summer. This summer camp named Virginia Lake Girls Camp ( VLG) had a lot of activities, especially competitions which I didn’t like, because if I accidentally ruined something, they would blame me, and I would feel guilty, and I wanted to avoid that. I’m going to be honest, I was very relieved when I found out that almost nobody from my school was going, so that means that the popular girls won’t be there to make fun of me, especially of my body. Right now, there is only one week left until I travel to the summer camp.
Tomorrow is the day that I will travel to the place I'm most scared to go to, summer camp.. VLG provided a big list of items and clothes that I should bring to the summer camp, and one of them was bikinis, which is something that I don’t have, mostly because I have a reason behind it, a reason that doesn’t please me. When my mom realized that I needed to bring a bikini, she immediately went shopping, which is something I hate, because people keep staring at me, they are judging me. Before I could even turn down the crazy idea of going shopping, my mom had already bought one bikini and one swimsuit: The bikini had a pretty flower print, and the other one was just a basic white swimsuit, which I personally liked better). After we packed everything up, my mom entered the room, and she just stood there and said nothing. I was confused so I asked:
"Mom, why are you staring at me?"
"Nothing honey, just realizing how you have grown up so quickly.."
Every time I had something “special” coming up, she always had that talk about how I had grown very quickly, and how I had turned into a woman last month, which honestly scared me. But anyhow, I wanted to tell my mom how I felt uncomfortable using a swimsuit, but I didn’t have the courage to say anything, until my mom said it:
"Sweetheart, I want a lot of photos of you in the summer camp. I want to see how beautiful you look in those swimsuits that you didn’t let me see earlier today.."
"Mom, I can assure you that the last thing I'm going to look at wearing a swimsuit is beautiful.
Don’t be silly honey, you are going to look amazing."
"They judge, their eyes always judge.."
"What do you mean honey?"
"Every time I put a bikini on, people judge; teens, adults, kids judge. Their eyes look at me, and I can see that they are disgusted to see me, the idiot who decided to put on a bikini while knowing the consequences of it, and I hate it. I hate that I’m fat; I hate that I have to be like this; I hate myself."
"Don’t say that, never again. Do you hear me? NEVER AGAIN."
"But it’s the truth.."