Opinion: When Friendship feels like a job, not a joy

According to the Cambridge Dictionary, friendship is “A state of mutual trust and support between allied nations.” But in some connections, many people begin to notice a painful truth: not all friendships feel equal. You text first, you make the plans, you listen — but you never feel heard. So why does this happen? Is it about the people we choose, the way we communicate, or the expectations we silently hold onto? You become the scheduler, the supporter, the one who always shows up, while the other part only receives.

That friendship may feel like a job, but on the other hand, the other person might feel the same. Maybe they feel like they are being asked for too much, as if they always have to reply on time, always be available, always do everything right. And because they feel so pressured, they step back. What happens is, no one talks about it, and the communication breaks down. Only one person keeps reaching out, both understanding the silence. That is why communication is the most important thing in a relationship. I might interpret something one way, while the other person sees it differently, and the only way to fix that is through conversation. 

However, as stated, there are times when only one person in the relationship cares and tries to keep a healthy and carefree connection. It is hard to see someone you love not loving you back, not caring about you, and not caring if the bond ends while you are doing everything you can to keep it from ending. For the one who is trying and giving their all for someone who just doesn't care, it is heartbreaking.

Avoiding a friendship that feels like a job is not that hard because deep down, you already know what you have to do – put an end to things that are not enjoyable anymore. We have to keep in mind that often, people will leave without even explaining why. Just like Leslie B says in her book Getting over you: “it’s like nothing has ever happened between us.” People will leave and say it is your fault, and sometimes, they will even leave with the absence of a goodbye. But remember, this is about them, not you. We are not responsible for other people's lack of love, attitudes, behavior, or, most importantly, the emotional responsibility they don't have. Remember–the way someone leaves tells you everything you need to know about them. We often have trouble seeing our own value and how important we are. Everyone deserves to be in relationships where we receive the same love we give — where we are understood, respected, cared for, prioritized, and treated well. If someone doesn't see that, they are the ones losing, and they don't deserve us. Where you are not welcome, you don't belong — where you don't belong, don't stay! As is said in the book, The Sutil Art of not giving a F***, " in the end, everything we think and feel about a situation comes down to the value we give it.” And if the person is not thinking and feeling the same way you are, they don't give the same value you give to them. 

One-sided relationships feel like jobs  — exhausting to maintain. But even relationships that demand too much from both sides can be painful. The best way to find resolve is through communication. And if it doesn't work, it’s probably not worth staying.