Holding on hurts more than letting go - Staying rather than leaving: Why is the harder choice not always what it seems?

When we are in a relationship, staying often seems like the easier way out. Probably because it seems like the right thing to do, or at least, what we believe is the right thing to do. However, choosing what is better for us, and most of the time what is better for both parts of the relationship, is for sure more important and considerate than pretending that we are happy just because we don't feel strong enough to leave. 

In difficult moments, we wonder whether fighting for the person we love is easier than letting them go. This can lead us to spending too much time holding on to something that might no longer exist. It sounds nonsensical, but if we truly reflect we will realize that when the relationship is unhealthy, unstable and emotionally consuming, it requires more effort and energy than it should. If we keep trying, even though we know we should leave, it just becomes an even bigger struggle to accept that what once was good, might already be over.

 Even though we may have shared great memories with that person, like important moments and cherished laughs, sometimes it is best for both parts to leave. This is because, why should we stay if the relationship is not making us happy anymore? We see ourselves in a situation that we are constantly complaining about, living in a cycle based on pressure, discussions, sadness and disappointments, almost as if it was a duty, an obligation. It is normal to not be fulfilled all the time, but it is definitely not normal to pretend we are. There are hard moments, and with love, dedication, comprehension and communication from both parts of the connection, those are resolved. However, there are some things that can't be cleared up, no matter how much effort we put in. At some point we need to recognize the difference between a relationship that is facing challenges and one that is slowly falling apart, which consequently makes us understand that holding on should not come at the cost of being well with your own self and in peace with your life. 

Furthermore, we have to acknowledge that choosing to leave a relationship is not an act of failure, but an act of self respect. We are not falling to choose ourselves and definitely not falling by having the courage to say goodbye. It is difficult to live in peace with what you once shared with your partner, while also taking emotional responsibility, then leaving in a selfish way without even trying to to make it work when things were unsettled. 

On top of that, if you tried your best and did everything you could to avoid making things fall down, you know your own truth. If you know that you did your best and tried everything within your power in order to save something that did not depend only on your own self, you should feel free and not overwhelmed. Otherwise you may assume full responsibility for the relationship failure, as if it were exclusively due to your actions, even though you know it ended because of mistakes made by both people involved. 

Moreover, we shouldn't feel like we haven't tried, or act like it lacked love or appreciation.  Some bonds are just not meant to be…  Cycles end, new people come in and new memories are up to begin, we just need to open ourselves for fresh experiences, allowing us so we don't be become stuck in the version of the person we wished they were, or who imagined they could become, especially when we gave them the opportunity to change, and they still chose to act differently. We can't control how others will act, but we can control how we will react. Therefore, we should accept  the reality that staying in a relationship that is composed of pain is much more painful than leaving it behind. 

In conclusion, staying in a relationship that became consuming and not relieving, is much more heartbreaking  having the courage to let go, since we get in a cycle structured by memories and not by the current love we should feel for our partner. When it starts to feel draining it is better to open up space for change rather than trying to fix it and find comfort in constant discomfort. Mainly because, the pain we might feel when leaving is temporary, while the pain we feel when we are in a relationship shaped by challenges, is constant. With that in mind, it is better to start facing pain that is brief so we don't live with the ongoing distress of refusing to accept that it is time to walk away.