There is an unexplainable feeling of not belonging and missing entirely the reason for waking up everyday. For a brief moment it seems that we lost our purpose and we ask ourselves if I stopped living today would the world miss me? That’s probably the question I’ve been asking myself the whole afternoon staring at each single wave. I could stay hours after lunch looking at the beach and waiting for the sunset. As tears crossed my face I lay down on the sand at the emptiness of the desert beach and the ocean wondering if I wanna go back to school. Summer always looked so effortless and non stressful but now I have grown up. Summer means making plans and forgetting about old, nonsense, childish dreams. Even though I am thinking, I only feel free to wonder and remember everything when I am alone. There are so many deep thoughts, fears and embarrassing moments that I only feel allowed to think when I am sure no one is around.
I always liked to be surrounded by many friends, but today I love being alone, and I swap quantity of people to quality. Sarah and Mia are arriving at our house tomorrow morning. I don’t know exactly if I am happy with this but it is important to socialize and make part of a group. I used to play the drums and have a lot of friends who loved music like me, but last year when I got to 8th Grade my mom told me I should start playing volleyball as she did. There I met Sarah and Mia and a lot of other girls. They had a lot of energy and seemed to always be happy. They didn’t care about grades as I did but sometimes it was kind of fun to stay with them.
Going down the stairs that morning I sat on the empty table and ate some avocado toast. It was very early in the morning and I went for a walk. My shadow was very long by my side. I got closer to the water and started walking with my feet in it and my havaianas on my other hand. I got a little tired and sat down to watch a guy my age surfing. My father once tried to teach me how to but I was too clumsy for that. He stopped surfing so I got up but before I was able to continue walking he was on the sand coming in my direction. But I just went walking. Boys don’t talk to me much, they just need me for a test or a homework assignment. In the end I never had a boyfriend as Mia and Sarah. Boys don’t look at me so often is just the way it goes. I am already used to it. I walked some more when I got to the house where Mia and Sarah were eating breakfast with my mother and my 16 year old brother.
“Mia! Sarah!” I said, trying to say as cool as I could “We are going to have so much fun.
“Of course Rachel!” Said Mia.
“Thank you for the invite!” Sarah said.
We talked a bit more but then they both turned their undivided attention to my brother. Which I am used to. Every friend of mine does this, I have to admit his curly brown hair and green eyes are attractive but they should be here because we are friends not because I have a pretty brother. The whole day was like this, it was so hard to be their friend and when I got there, my stupid brother Paul had to ruin everything. Was boring how they stayed the whole day talking about his stupid American football team and swimming in the Jacuzzi. I asked if they wanted to see the sunset with me but they preferred to stay with Paul, at that point I was not mad I just went there alone. I was there as always waiting for the sunset while looking repeatedly at those waves crashing on the sand.
“Hey!” I heard from behind me that the guy who was surfing that morning was walking towards me, he was really talking to me and not because of my brother I think. I was so busy overthinking that I forgot to respond to him so he continued. “My name is Michael, I come here every summer. My house is two blocks away from yours. And… Umm… What’s your name?”
”Rachel…” I said in a shy way even though I wanted to play cool. Boys always looked at Mia and Sarah never to me, they told me it was about the way they dressed and how they style their hair.
“Well nice to meet you Rachel, I sometimes come here to watch the sunset but from that swing it calms me.” He pointed to an old swing a little far from us.
“I come here everyday to watch it… It helps me think.”
“ Then from now on, I am coming everyday to watch the sunset with you… Rachel” I laughed a little and I felt my cheeks getting rose. We talked for a long time and he walked me home. He hugged me, kissed my forehead and wished me a good night. Took a wild flower he grabbed on the way back and put it on my hair.
For the last 5 days of my vacation I forgot completely about Sarah and Mia and was completely focused on Michael. Every morning I went to see him surf and watch the sunset. They were the best days of my trip. And now I believe I am ready to go back to High School and play volleyball as I never did before. Not because my mom wanted but because I wanted to. Now I am ready to understand that cool friends can help our status but won’t make you happy or spend quality time with you. Success does not go around about what you have and how many friends you make, but who you are and the quality of the friendship you have.
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